i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
