im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
