Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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