I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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