Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
