I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Randomize
