hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
