I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize