I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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