He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
