If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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