don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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