He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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