I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she told me i tasted like america
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
