and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
