I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
