i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
