you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We are all done wearing pants today
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
