He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
