I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
