so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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