my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
