moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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