Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
