Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
