Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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