peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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