I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
