tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
