does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
