I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
