I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
