AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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