apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
