Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
