I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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