better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
