omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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