It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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