apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
