i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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