Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
