so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
