I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
