They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
