Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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