chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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