just tell him i said nine months
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
