Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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