an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
