New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
