they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
