Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize