You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
