I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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