she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
