his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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