If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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