Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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