Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
