Pappa wants mamma naked
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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