Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
