would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
