Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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