Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
