Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
