How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
