That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
