chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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