the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
