i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
