After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
