First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
