Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
