hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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