Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
