Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
